This Is My Apology

10:59 AM

I think maybe I haven’t been real. I think perhaps I’ve only shown my highlights instead of the trenches where I’ve been this past year. I’ve blogged and posted about my move to North Carolina from Louisiana. I’ve talked about the Lord and all His many blessings, but I’ve failed to talk about all the in between. I’ve failed to mention the sleepless nights, the lonely days, and the mental exhaustion that comes with moving into unknown spaces.

I’ve had to learn a new culture. I’ve had to meet new people and attempt to make new friends. I’ve spent countless hours trying to find a church to call home. I’ve cried over not having a Christian community here. While this move has been one of the most exhilarating times in my life, it has also been the most trying.

I’ve prayed more over the past year than I have in my whole life up until this point. My Creator is the only constant in this season and being in communication and community with Him has been the only thing that keeps me going.

I’ve also cried more and been more aware of my mental state than I have ever been. I’ve learned that suppressing my feelings doesn’t accomplish anything and talking things through with trusted, Christian brothers and sisters can make a world of difference.

This is my apology. I’m sorry for making it look easy. I’m sorry for pretending.  

Everything isn’t okay...and that’s okay.  

The good news in all of this is that our Creator is still on His throne. His goodness is never ending, and His promises are sure. Despite everything, He is still good.

Friends, lean into Him. When you feel like you don’t have community, He is your community. When you feel like you don’t have family, He is your father. He will always be enough. He will always supply your needs before you even know what you need.  

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